The Lost
by Antigone1Evenstar
Summary: Finally, she is getting exactly what she wanted- isn't she?


I have no claim to any of C.S. Lewis' work. This is for fun, not profit.

But I already had played in Tolkien's world, and decided that I needed a complete set. Sincerest apologies, Jack. You shouldn't be so inspirational, though.

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><p>She had prepared for this for a long time- weeks in advance, actually. Everything was planned out down to the last detail. Her new outfit, painstakingly bought with hours of decision making gone into it, was the height of fashion. Complimenting her best features, her friends gushed over how it brought out her eyes and contrasted nicely with her skin tone. Her hair, of course, she had spent hours fussing over, to say nothing of her make-up.<p>

Looking herself over again, she gave a satisfied nod. The reflection-her looked gorgeous, if she did say so herself. One last touch was a necklace, a delicate gold thing that always made her feel like a-

_Queen of-_

-that is, like royalty. If her mind brought ghost hands playfully helping her put the necklace on, she paid it no heed. Tonight was not for silly imaginings, she thought pragmatically. It was for stunning all the men silly and perhaps finding that one special man to sweep her off her feet. Ignoring the contradiction that existed, she swept herself off gracefully to the-

_Christmas Ball-_

Winter Formal. Focus, she told herself. Steadfastly passing by her family, engaged in some sentimental activity of some sort, Susan smiled for her mother, who exclaimed how her daughter had become-

_The Gentle-_

Such a beautiful young lady, and for her father who told her sternly that she needed to stay far away from all young men and be back before curfew. Giving a slightly exasperated sigh, she hurried out the door to meet her friends and purposefully did NOT see her siblings disappointed faces.

"Susan! So glad you could make it, darling!" A rush of smells and ringing laughs and snatches of music whirled about her, as she made her way to her friend. A familiar scent caught her attention-

_and these are traditional cakes-_

and she resolved to hate ginger from then on and pushed the thought angrily away. This was HER night. She intended to make the most of it. Another year almost over, another year almost older. Take life at the fullest while you can, she reminded herself. You only get one shot-

-_growing up twice_

So enjoy it for now. And then there was dancing, and handsome face after handsome face asked for a dance and her thoughts were given wholly to the mindless movements and silly chatter in between songs. She was the star of the evening, and the envy of all women for her grace-

_Gentleness_-

Beauty-

_Kindness-_

And youth. All eyes on her, and for once her happiness was complete as all her hard work paid off. At least until a pair of blue eyes caught the corner of her eye-

_you are the envy of all, dear Sister-Queen-_

and everything felt hollow inside again. Keeping her smile carefully on, she continued to dance, but it meant nothing. Again. Viciously determined, she stayed past curfew in an attempt to catch the initial feeling of- something, once again. Nothing. It was all in vain.

Her friends dropped her off, happily gabbling about the party and complimenting her on how she had been the belle of the party, and she accepted the compliments with a tilt of the head and slight smile. It was empty though. Remaining outside in the sharp cold and looking up at the stars-

_Do you see? There's the North Star. You can always find your way home now-_

-and told herself firmly that she could not go back and to embrace the world she found herself in now. For a moment though, it seemed as though a different set of stars-

_To the end of the way of the wandering star*-_

-and a set of kind, wise eyes that told of love beyond measure, beyond the silly replacement she kept seeking. Queen Susan the Lost, she thought to herself. That's who I am now. And if she cried a little, the stars would not betray her.

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><p>"She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can, and then stop there for as long as she can."<p>

~ _Lady Polly, The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis_

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><p>*From G.K. Chesterton's poem "The Christmas House".<p>

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><p>Random one-shot. Poor Susan. Lucy was always my favorite, for I saw much of myself in her, despite being the oldest. But Susan always intrigued me, and bothered me- how much in common do I have with Susan? Not necessarily in completely denying all that I know to be true, but in letting all that is NOW rule my entire life, and pretending that there is nothing beyond that. So while it would be much nicer, I suppose, to pretend that Susan did not exist and have a nice 'everyone lived' type ending, it is essential to remember her and see reflected in ourselves a love of what is a cheap distraction for the Truth.<p> 


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